I’ve spent a lot of years hiding behind a computer as I blogged/wrote on the internet. I’ve kept my real name off the internet to protect the guilty innocent. I refer to my husband as The Dude. I use nicknames for my children. (Although, who knew that Beverly Cleary would write books about my children back when *I* was a child?) But as I prepare to do something a bit more transparent (or…you know OUT IN THE VERY PUBLIC PUBLIC) I’ve had to think about how to come up with a happy medium.
Which hasn’t been so easy.
First and foremost, my husband and I have jobs outside the home that we both need to keep. I never want to put our jobs and the line. Which is why I will be taking down all evidence of my old blogging life pretty soon. There’s a reason I didn’t bring over all of my archives. (Complain much, Jill?)
Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited for this new adventure. I am. But these first few days have made me feel like those dreams where you’re at school in your underwear.
Vulnerable. I feel vulnerable.
I’ve put myself in a situation where people I know in real life are going to learn that I have a blog. There are people that may judge me and the fact that I have a blog or what I might say on said blog.
I have to write more responsibly. I have to pay attention to how I write. I have to remember why I love to write even when I have ZERO confidence and think everything I do is crap.
Comfort zone? I can’t even see it right now I’ve stepped so far outside of it.
It’s time for me to learn and grow…and take chances. I need to forget what my comfort zone looks like. I need to remember that I’m going to break my blog sometimes and it’s ok to panic for a minute. (That happened yesterday.) I need to remind myself that this is EXACTLY what I need to do right now because you know what? I like telling my story. I like having my own little place on the interwebs. And I would have never known that without scaring the crap out of myself and taking some chances.
But I also need to be patient with myself. I need to remember that this IS new and uncomfortable. There are definitely going to be some growing pains. And I’m going to break my blog every once in a while. (Please no more times, please.)
It’s all going to be ok. It’s not rocket science. I’m not saving lives here. I’m just telling some stories about my life.
I can do that.